The need to do nothing.

Everyone's running around in red. pretty girls, not so pretty girls and others. A few men in uniforms stood out in the clutter. There's this TV playing the same old video of DO for the last five hours. I have heard the same phrases over 45 times now. Its irritating. There was a treasure hunt, there's beer on the 11th floor. Groups fighting over not so obvious reasons, photographers and a large group of people who are trying to make a mark - be it at anything.

Its David Ogilvy's birthday today. For some reason though, I am not in a mood to celebrate, or may be because of the fact that it was my Dad's birthday too, yesterday. His birthday, in less than a year he died. I didn’t even feel like having a look at his photograph. Somehow its just still sinking in. Its just been 3 months now.

Its funny to see how no one cares about you. And its amusing that I got atleast six people in this organisation, trained them and made them a part of the system. Today, I am sad and nobody gives a damn. I think I am done with trying to give, but I have my weaknesses too.

When the protective charm over you lifts, you start seeing the entire world with a different lens. And there’s a huge polarization happening here. The zillion faces around me are like positive poles, smiling. And I am the only bloody one with the worst ever frown on my face, creating the black hole that sucks in everything other than happiness.

I am penning down my thoughts because this is my relief. Or maybe, these are lessons.

I would love to celebrate. But I don’t see a known face around. All these years in this place and I don’t have one single friend. How is it worth? Is it me, is it this place, or it is the people, or is it just me again?

Not even one single person who came up to me and asked? Wow! What is anything worth anything? Or is it that I have distanced myself so much from the normal human folks? I am astounded at the volcano of negativity that I sit on.

In the last half an hour, the noise levels have come down. Is it that I am still hearing voices in my mind or people are still giggling? Just got to know that the beer in the canteen is over. I wonder if they really had a happy time.

Or is it that I am just a full cup?

And every bit of life poured onto me is just spilling over.

And yet I am thinking of what I couldn’t be a part of.